Dealing With Confirmation Bias
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the LORD. (Proverb 18:22 NIV).
In a perfect world, we would love that God would bring your significant other to you just like Adam but this is a description of what happens and not a prescribed way to find a spouse. God speaks to us via the Holy Spirit who is within those who believe in Jesus Christ, to guide them according to the written truth. “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future.” (John 16:13)
God is powerful and He can speak to you in a specific way to share who exactly that you may proceed to marry however, his guidelines is to marry someone of the same faith. Looking for a person with the good character of Christ is based on Galatians 5:22-23 and Proverb 31:30. When it comes to a specific will to marry the word of God leaves the option of this choice in a sense up to us. Also, He can speak but mainly through God’s word.
However, when it is done via a dream or a series of dreams can end up making you go based on every sign that confirms your fantasies and lust, the sense of love you have for the person or affection when it may just be a warning.
Any time you are sleeping or even awake for those special persons who observe a marriage vision, you always have to be careful where your heart is because it is deceitful and it can put us in the mode of “If this happens then I will act”. This can ruin our faith in God if not careful when we suit our biases of how God will say or confirm a thing. Secondly, see if it of God, what do you see? It is focused on a person who you can say after doing background checks, can you observe the behaviour of the person God tells you about and judge based on the word? I say this because you may see a “marriage dream” and then it not what you think it means….the interpretation problem which I will get to next.
From just going based on just the dream you had, the main problem is waiting for things to work out when maybe the dream just showed your desires. Even then just because God spoke does not mean it is His sovereign will. It does not need to come to the past or be successful…obviously it up to you do so. What could be done is to seek sound advise with a group of close friends with the person especially if you believe God has spoken. Runaway if it seems to good to be true!
For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. 1 John 2:16
Usually, lust is a major problem that causes this confirmation bias and assumes God spoken to you. We want to be married so bad that we just waiting with our fingers crossed hoping that God told me I can marry this person story can happen to us. Or we just want marriage for particular reasons but from observation alone most times the dream is just wished fulfilment and the mind is wicked enough to jump to the issue of interpretation.
Proverbs 14:12: There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. ... There is a way that seems right, but it leads to death.
Dreams, in general, are personal and relates to you. Therefore unless the interpretation is literal and it actually accompanied by God providence in another way then ignore it. Because it may just mean a commitment to a task you need to do in your life or that you had sexual desire for a person and the dream was a manifestation therefore resist. Honestly, I been in this position before. I thought based on the implications of my interpretation of the dream being literal about marriage in relation to a girl that God lead me to her. God was warning me about her and I should have given up on this arranged marriage which was done by a vision btw.
With each dream and confirmation, you need to see each time if it relates just to you and not the other person let alone deal with the flesh. Even if it was showing you the person to be with then you got to know when and where which takes time. Most dreams are just showing us a partnership or a union with who Christ is or a particular ministry you should take up or a part of you that will be committed to the Lord. Therefore marriage dreams unless it is literal in interpretation should not be used as the God told me this and that.
Even if it is literal, you still have to take caution that is not just God showing you something that could go a certain way but the end result is the destruction or that you don’t get prideful and begin to lust because of your special moment. The heart is wicked and deceitful so you should always get the word out which is useful for interpretation and pray to God for the answer.
Don’t go based on preconceived conditions and expect God to confirm them or let those fulfilled conditions be the determining factor to confirm your interpretations if it becomes a literal fulfilment. Like asking God to show you the person at someplace and then if you find them there then you agree this is of God or if they do some act of random kindness. Confirmation Bias and recency bias can play tricks with your heart. Past circumstances and how the person does an action now does not mean you are meant to be.